Breaking News: TV Star Ellen Degeneres Drowns...

A report just came across my desk via a cabbie in the greater Chicago area: Ellen Degeneres, star of day time televisions' The Ellen Degeneres show, has been pronounced dead by the Los Angeles County police department. Though time of death has yet to be established, the LAPD confirms that Ms. Degeneres drowned. Sources close to Ellen claim she was found face down in Ricki Lake.

Boom. Yup, this is all I have to give today. Thanks to Beach for taking late night cab rides to a casino in Gary, IN that were driven by old racist men from Southern California.

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